Many women who have come into my practice feel they are broken. As a practitioner and a woman, I understand how fertility clients can feel broken. We are told as young girls; we will grow up and have babies…be mommies. It’s just going to be “this way” when we are ready to have our baby.
When you try to have a baby and things don’t go smoothly, it feels something is not working. Often there’s no explanation or issue that can’t be easily treated, can leave you feeling broken.
The topic leaves me concerned, because it is not widely acknowledged by Western medicine. There’s very little to find on the internet about it. I found some articles written by women on the fertility journey blogging about feeling broken. Otherwise, there is nothing. A void.
Worse part of this, infertility is invisible. If we had a broken arm, people would rush to your aid. Instead we look healthy, holding the demands of a job, taking care of a house, and in partnership with your husband. To the outside world, we are healthy.
Yet, the hidden factor is known to you…your body is having trouble getting pregnant. It’s supposed to work, but it’s not.
As women we jump right to being broken. We hold ourselves to high standards and when we don’t achieve those lofty standards, we feel like a failure, probably did things wrong and we are not perfect.
I’m hoping this video will show you how far away from being broken you are. You are actually very courageous to go on this journey, which is nowhere being close to broken.
There are many components to feeling broken. I’m going to address the most common ones I see with my fertility clients.
First, you may have broken dreams and desire associated with having a baby. You many have envisioned having a baby a certain way. As women, we have a tendency to build and plan for our dream family. When the plan gets broken and you are faced with rebuilding the future, it can feel as though you are broken.
Second, women can feel broken because they feel jealously for friends or family members if they get pregnant. Most women don’t feel jealously this strongly or towards the women they love. You may feel broken inside because this is not the usual you, not the women who would normal rejoice in their happiness.
Third, hormonal drugs (any cocktail….follistim, menapur, estrogen, progesterone) have a HUGE EFFECT on our brains and our feelings. These drugs can cause you to feel like you have the brain of a bipolar monkey. Your feelings will be all over the place … from second to second or hour to hour. The unfocused brain will enhance your feeling of being broken.
What is the most destructive part of being broken? We are cruel to ourselves. How? We set a high bar of expectations and if the standard can’t be reached, we consider ourselves a failure. Then we beat ourselves up over for failing.
Instead, I’m hoping you can have compassion for yourself. Life often doesn’t live up to our expectations. Life doesn’t give us all the answers. Things can make no sense.
Beating yourself up over the “why” will not make your fertility better nor your life. I don’t have any data to back up my belief…. What is the impact on your mind, body and life to repetitively believe “I am broken”/”I’m not good enough”?
Standing tall in this journey in spite of all the odds is a dedication of heart, mind and soul – a very beautiful thing. There are two thoughts you can fill your mind with. One, you can release what is not working, the thoughts or the feeling of having a broken body. Second, embrace what is working and honor the best of who you are every day.
What does that mean to wake up every morning and take these two steps? “I honor myself and by body just as I am right now.” “I welcome everything and anything associated with this journey to have a baby.” “I honor everything and anything associated with taking care of myself.”
Having compassion and love for ourselves is one of the most powerful and yet hardest things that we learn in life. It’s so hard to love and care for ourselves out of our own hearts and minds. The journey to care for ourselves, appreciate who we are and be courageous in the face of a challenge is a big step away from being broken.
Yup, I agree. Somedays are going to be very hard. Yes, it’s a process and doesn’t happened overnight. It’s normal to be frustrated. Yet, it’s the ability to wake up the next day and make the commitment to honoring yourself again.
Standing tall despite all the odds and challenges, to be dedicated to creating a baby, so far away from being broken. I hope you can walk away from this video and say “I’m not broken. I might be lost and confused. But I am not broken.”