What’s causing all this pressure of time? The pressure of time can come from all sorts of places.
In video number one (click here to watch), I talked about the Internal biological clock. In video number two (click here to watch), I talked about the mental and emotional journey and how that affects our feelings around time. In this video, I’ll be discussing external and internal sources of pressure.
Internal sources: a woman experiences the pressure of time from her social circle – family, friends, coworkers,’ people whom she is interacting with. Women experience a lot of pressure from their family or friends. Women often tell me of their experience of going to family functions and being asked “you have a house; you have a husband; when are you going to having a baby.” It’s the pressure of being reminded and triggered that this is the time to have a baby.
The second external source would be Western medicine. We hold doctors in high regard. Their words carry the most power and influence with it. We take their words with a level of high regard. So, when doctors are telling woman they need to do a procedure right away, should not wait, or their chances of her of conceiving are nominal – a doctor has a tremendous power over a woman’s feeling of time.
The last source of pressure of time is the most powerful source and that is us. It is our own hopes, desires, dreams and expectations on having a baby.
Women often can imagine, see, feel and create what the future is going to look like with a baby. If having a baby becomes hard, the pressure of time is created. The pressure of time in this element is often related to the idea of potentially losing a dream or desire; something we have always seen for ourselves. Facing into the reality of conceiving a baby in an IVF clinic naturally shifts and changes our hopes and dreams. Then it can feel like our goal is just out of reach and the clock is ticking.
Start adding in the layers – biological, mental/emotional, internal, external sources – suddenly time can feel like it’s pressing right up against us. Suddenly it can feel like there is no space for time to exist.
My personal belief is that the pressure of time is the hardest part of the fertility journey. Especially for women who are going on this journey for a long time.
Why is the pressure of time so impactful?
It is really scary to think we are running out of time. The pressure of time creates fear. Fear comes from the scarcity of time, feeling a lack of abundance and fertility. Fear is life altering, life stopping. Fear is a tank trainer and will deplete our mental and emotional energy. For more information on the mental and emotional journey check out my video number two on timehttp://www.fertilecareforwomen.com/uncategorized/the-fertility-journey-time-part-two/.
Physically our bodies will respond to fear by the fight flight and freeze action. Another way of looking at fear in a modern term is the stress response.
Part of the stress response is to causes us to grab at any opportunity before it’s missed. When on the fertility journey, women are face with many “opportunities”. Fear is powerful; it will have you make decisions that are rushed and surrounded by anxiety. You may feel driven to decide as soon as possible because an opportunity might be lost or that time is running out for the best outcome.
What I have seen in my practice is the decisions based on fear often leads to mixed feelings. If the opportunity works out – great. The problem occurs when the opportunity doesn’t lead to the expectation attached to it. If the outcome is not positive, I’ve seen woman feeling stuck and frustrated due to a decision not true to who they are. Fear-based decisions often lead to dishonoring our beliefs and values.
How do you know when you are facing a fear-based decision?
When you are feeling as though you have tension, this is information that stress is motivating your emotions. When you get triggered by stress, you might feel the desire to make a rash, rushed decision. There might be a part of you saying “YES” without thinking of all the potential outcomes attached to the decision. Compounded with the feeling if the decision isn’t made right away, you will lose out on the “right timing”.
I believe it’s important to make decision that represent who you are and your values. Decisions made from anxiety don’t correspond to the best of who you are.
How can you make decisions from the best of who you are?
1) Breathe!!!! Breathing allows our bodies to shift out of the stress response and into a neutral place. A relaxed state. The more relaxed we are the more true we are to ourselves.
2) Create space for yourself – take a step back and figure things out for yourself. Be a day or a week the key is to create time and space inside of yourself so your fear doesn’t dominate your decisions.
3) Keep your tanks full – See video 2. The more robust you are the easier it is to create space and to make decisions from clarity. Pressure clouds our decisions.
4) Have a support team in place – family, friends, therapist, acupuncturist or doctor. We are all here to support you. The key is to specify what you need. If you need someone to listen to you, tell them that. If you need them to brainstorm with you, ask for it. When your support team knows what you need, you can get the help you want.
It so crucial to make the best decision from who you are. Be true to yourself, honor yourself in the decision you are making on the fertility journey. Looking back at past decisions, you will feel you made it from the best of who you were in the moment and have no regrets.